A note...

It is time we talk to each other, On the growing feeling that tortures, On the passionate longing, On the love that has not been revealed, For too long we stayed, Drowning in everlasting restlessness, Filling the dreams of our night, Oh my dear, release it, Your feelings, your longings, all your love, And now there's only me and you, A moment in eternity, If we could stop the time, And all the dreams would come true, Breaking all the boundaries, Between you and me, Us.....

Setelah sekian lama menyepi.....

Hi, its about time to update my blog, finally kan... been back to Malaysia now and was supposed to resume back with my previous comp last 1st Oct, tp postponed sbb due to unexpected incident happened.

I had corneal ulcer due to my extended wear of my contact lense, sblm2 ni ramai org cerita how bad contact lense can harm u, but i guess my normal practise of handlin it is just pretty enuf since nothing bad happened to me. On my first day had eye irritation i tot it was just a normal conjunctivitis, I seeked a help from my father to get me just a normal eye drop, the following day my left aye became swollen, wht was really different compared to normal conjunctivitis, this time around i was really sensitive to sunlight...wht medical terms call it "photo phobic". Since i never know any indication with regards to corneal ulcer, on my 3rd day i still rest at home. On the 4th day, as I woke up in the morning, my left eye worsen, while washing my face and examine the left eye, i noticed a white formation inside it,I became so nervous...i can sense that it was really beyond ordinary.

My father went out for his own errand kutip duit sewa rumah and so on,i called my brother to fetch me to any nearest clinic. So shocked when the doctor wrote a letter to refer me to Hospital Pakar Perdana as according to him it shud be treated by specialist, then we head up to Hospital Pakar Perdana, the specialist there refered me again to HUSM or Hospital Raja Perempuan Zainab 2.There was no way for me to be admitted in Pakar Perdana since they x have any eye specialist in house, semua yg dtg as part timer je, while i needed a close monitor....

So there it goes, I ended up kat HRPZ2 la for a week, been discharged exactly before raya, back home for raya then on my 2nd follow up treatment, I was admitted again. Thts how i spent my raya this year. Sad?? tell me about it, malam before keluar sebelum raa tu rasa am the only patient there. Am start to gather all the piece and pieces, no wonder la baju raya aku x siap.... Lucky that am finally home, kalau this happening while am abroad susah jgk...and few more including signing up for hospitalization insurance a few days b4 the incidents happened,walaupon sblm i never give a damn to any call with regrds to tht. Ade pros and cons

~to be cont

FEEL LOW

Nearly 5.30 pm just now, Mr Raed came to me..."Roze, can i have a minute?"
I followed him to his place, I have to sign on the copy of the letter to acknowledge the receipt. He told me...I feel bad Roze, i just don't feel good,but things like this happen. I was just looked at him, i craved a smile on my face and strongly says it going to be fine. After made myself understand the content of that letter, I signed...

I took my copy, fold it in the envelope, I took my bag and leave the office.
My service is waiting for me downstairs. I burst into tears... I feel so low..
Never in my life been treated this way,it really really hurts my dignity,I wish am next to anyone that can lend me a shoulder for me to cry.I continued crying... after awhile, i found a gut to call a friend, tried so much to sound better, but at some point i failed, i know part of it I choose it to be this way, I can choose not to be where i am right now, but I dunno how long i can last with tht,

as so far, i never regret with wht i have decided, but I regret it happened this way.
I know this happen for reason, I will try to discover the reason

Bola oh Bola...

skrg kan musim bola... I never give a damn bout it pon,
tp at least I know la world cup tu every 4 years, (tu pon sbb David bg soalan maut tu when i was working kat SMHB dulu..)

Smlm masa lunch kat ofis... I normally have my lunch dpn PC je (keji tak?), malas nak g pantry...sbb automatically it will be divided into 3 groups..2 meja di sebelah utara adalah suku kaum India, 2 meja lagi suku kaum Pinoy....ade la meja mcm side bar tu mat2 or minah2 saleh (normally diorang ni lunch awal, so ade la 3-4 ketul je)
So i will be torned between kalau masuk pantry.. Join Pinoy sah2 la tak paham diorang ckp...kdg2 diorang pon rasa bersalah so ade yg bersimpati tlg translate kan apa topik diorang ari tu, which i x really care much pon.. Gang India tu semua jantan plak... so I'd rather dok kat my workstation je ...blh chat dgn whoever available online heheh...ok back to point.

Since skrg ni sgt la panas, ramai gak yg choose just to order food to be delivered to office and enjoy it indoor. So happen to 2 ketul engineer yang neighbouring to me. Jorge and Ehthesham.. seko dr Hydrabad (India la jgk) and seko lg Columbian ( i hear he's holding US passport). Being in the industry tht nominated by men ni, i rarely join diorang sembang apa lg skrg sure dok ckp pasal bola. Smlm Ehthesham tu asked me..do u watch football??. I was like No..big No
U have any favourite team?? i was like (eh dah tak tgk tu sure la x de) No...
dia tnay lg..if u hv to choose one...which team will tht be?....nak jgk kan???
ish...rasa mcm nak jwb Team Kelantan boleh?? nnt dia x paham plak
So i said...France may be, because their jersey look nice to me ....
pastu diorang senyum2...Jorge tu ckp...u r still a woman hahahaha!

Hey ...tell u what...if u wanna talk about footbal just go ahead. I x mind being left out about football coz i don't really into it OCCAY??!!

I only can pray....I hope it's answered,

when israeli commandos (laknatullah) raided a Gaza aid flotilla yesterday..
I only can pray..
for the list that I found somewhere..they are....

Noorazman Mohd Samsuddin, chief of Malaysian delegation (UIA lecturer)

Dr Mohd Arba Ai Shawal (medical doctor)

Dr Syed Muhamad Haleem Syed Hassan (medical doctor)

Dr Selamat Aliman, businessman

Jamaluddin Elias (Klang councillor)

Al Hilmi Husain Suhaimi (religious teacher)

Mohd Nizam Mohamad Awang (engineer)

Abd Halim Mohd Redzuan (executive with Syabas)

Ustaz Hasanuddin Aqsi Assarip (full time NGO personnel)

Ashwad Ismail (journalist)

Shamsul Kamal Latip (Astro Awani cameraman)

They are all an inch away from death, they are so BRAVE,they are our great WARRIOR,they knew this gonna happen, they knew the risk they are facing, they are hoping for our prayers.....Oh Allah saves them from demolition....

Summer oh summer....

We ar e experiencing summer here in Doha. Correct me if am wrong but I think this time around summer start quite early. My front side of office facade is glass panel, where I have been positioned next to one of the window pane. During winter and spring I really enjoyed my workstation, enjoying the traffic movements whenever bored with work. But whenever approaching summer….god…I can feel the heat of the bright sun through that window pane. On top of that, few days ago the ventilator of AC was not working.
Peak of my anger was last few days when AC in my room was not cooling at all. I’ve been complaining this to management office so many time, they always assure me that they will send their people and will contact me back. Up to one point which I really can’t bear the situation…towards the end of the episode I even have to drag my pillow and spent my night on the sofa in my living room. I was trying to explain the fact that it was just cool only may be 20 min after u switched it on the rest was just blowing the air from outside. These stupid bunches didn’t really understand English thus it was not delivered. Thousands (campur ngan tipu gak ni) of calls has been made to report, but none of action taken until I decided to drag my agent (guy who helped us to find that apartment) in to the picture. To cut short, after few quarrels and shouting’s…I finally got this problem fixed…huh!!

How I wish..

Uhuk....it's saturday again..
Even today I can start feeling lazy for tomm....
How I wish tht friday is forever....
How I wish that every time I wake up in the morning, friday breeze will come and wish me Good Morning...
argghh so scared of tommorow...
caused...I might get a letter...which I have no idea whether its gonna be +ve or the other way around...
Wish me luck...am scared!

Level Of Confidence

Talking about level of confidence ni, I have so many to things to put here. Firstly nak cerita pasal keje. For those yang tak tau, I’ve been laid off dr Hyder last Nov 09. Without questioning much on that, I move on.. Nak nangis and pikir why and what and so on panjang2 pon x guna.
Cari keje baru, venture here and there,u name it la I tried all the possibilities. Kata orang kalau rezeki tak kemana. Apart from dapat 3 offers in Doha, I ade satu arrangement kat Malaysia jugak. Setelah di timbang tara semua and memandangkan am still here, so I decided to stay. My new employer is one of leading engineering consultant gak la.

I have a very nice boss. Kind hearted and good to work with. My boss ni dia pnh cite dia mmg start dr bwh. He was a design engineer la jugak dulu. In engineering world, for you to reach top level I admit that mmg susah. Unless u started with project planning or management from the day one u practice. Sbb once u dah master in technical the management part will be the skill tht u’ll be lacking of. But a good one will have a balance between these . Eh ok back to my story. As usual, I have to serve 3 months probation period,that was supposed to end last April 12. I was called by HR, they gave me a letter ckp they have decided to extend my probation period. Panic? Worry? Whom am I kidding if I say am not. Sure la. Am not claiming myself as engineer yg perform sgt well, but prior to this I never gone tru this kind of treatment.Confirm awal pernah la merasa. I sat down at my work station, take some time to ponder the point. Yeah I went back to Malaysia on emergency basis sbb my mom was not well, thus I was not able to finish my model on the estimated time and bla..bla... bla. Yeah I was anticipted this somehow, it just hard to digest in. I was torn between..

To ease my doubt, I decided to see my boss. I started with, “Mr Raed, I x really mind this extension but I hope u can shed me some light on what is my possible weakness, so that I can improve myself to help u” ...Katanya,” Roz, this is no t ur fault, arrived here at our very peak time, so I was not able to pull one specific task to measure ur achievement..It's my fault"...

Few days gak la I felt so miserable. I dunno whether he’s telling me the truth or just to make me feel good. Some of my friends advised me, assuring me that just hold on to my faith. They said as far as their concerned am good. Few days later, laid down on my bed, smbil dok tenung2 syiling, I was thinking…..where was my fault? (degil kan?? Even he said it wasn’t my fault- according to my fren I ni ahli fikir-over analytical mind)

Dig and dig…I was brought to this terminal. Lantak la if they think am not performing enough, I know what am doing, and I know what I want, even tho it is very hard for me to get it. Am not a person with sour grape attitude and I really hate tht. For me if someone or something is good, it is still good even tho I was not able get it..
Cakap pasal keje, am quite confident with my ability. I will defend my decision to a very last drop, may be that over analytical thinking that I have tu la that shaped me up this way. I know why am I doing... and I know what am I doing. So why do I have to worry much, if this comp thinks am just not fit in their organization, I have thousands out there. Because if one thing good for others in does not necessarily mean good for u. So with that, I rest my case. It wiped out the cloud in my mind..Worry byk2 pon, it doesn’t bring me anywhere. My fren said I’ve been tru a lot and am still surviving; in fact this is much easier than before. So she was true, hold on to ur faith, that will make u feel worthy and stronger.

In a very isolated case, there was one fine day I went out for dinner with a fren. Talk and talk…bla..bla…bla.. I told my fren, u know wht? When I was in UM last time during my early years in engineering faculty, I minat sorang mamat ni. He was a BWP kat…. Suddenly I was stopped by my fren’s statement. Eh u know wht, I selalu dgr cerita u mesti…”dulu kan I ade minat dia ni..” or “ade sorang mamat ni masa kat sekolah dulu I minat kat dia “ She said u r such a different from one of her friend sorang ni….yg statement dia ..“Dia tu dulu minat kat I”….or “I know dia tu suka I”…Namun according to my friend, tak pernah dgr dr mulut org tu even once admit…"I penah suka kat dia dulu"...or sewaktu dgn nya. She also told me that ..I pulak tak pnh dgr dr u kata yang “dulu dia penah suka kat aku” …or thing similar to it.....Itu la... confident ni came in so many ways. But seriously, I have never been so confident up to the level that I can tell somebody else org suka kat I until I dgr sendiri dr mulut org tu. Walau ada org pernah admit sekali pon, for me to talk back about that kat org lain with that statement mmg sgt susah, I have no gut to put that in words. Mungkin this kind of confidence came along with how they look la kot, as for me, kalau tak lawa or kacak , susah la nak kuar statement yg mcm tu. Mungkin sbb x I tak lawa la I x de tht kind of confident.

To be frank, I never bother kalau org tak respect I because of the way I look. Its not that I never thanked to god,.... I do. In my life, I never do anything to impress anyone with the way I look... I'd rather ppl respect me because of what I have in between my shoulders. I do not need branded staff to make myself confident. If I want, it was because I wanted it...kalau mahal and I think I can afford it, I will buy, but if it is not...then leave it. Namun kalau nak ikat2 perut just for the sake of having that...no...that's not me. Kalau murah pon, if I like, I will buy.... Why do I need branded stuff to make me shine out? I have that inside of me...

Having faith in life will actually drive you where u are heading to, you have brains in your head.
you have feet in your shoes. you can steer yourself in any direction you choose. From all these, I learnt that.......never rely on someone or something else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are - completely; the good and the bad - and make changes as YOU see fit - not because you think someone else wants you to be different!

welcome back!

Hehehe am glad that i'm included in your list!! Really miss to read wht u write. I welcome back my fren again to blogging area. Eventho I may not update this as frequent as u are, but here we go again!! WELCOME BACK ERY!

The news today

With the news that I received today......

Pah and Ery

I have just visited blog Pah tadi, reading her blog made me feel like really talking to her. Rasa rindu kat Pah and Ery that dragged me feel like publishing an entry pasal these bunch of frens. We belonged together in one group while we were in Asasi Sains kat UM dulu. Pah and I was in E3 and Ery was in E1. Tp whenever the big group combined for lab session, we will be in one lab. Most of the time Pah will be my lab partner as our name R and S are next to each other. Bertuah u Pah hahaha.. Especially lab Bio and Chemistry. While I was in my first year of asasi, I adored one of Ery's classmate, there was a time kena bedah tikus... I was sharing tikus with Pah...while Ery dgn mamat yang I suka tu. Ery never touch her tikus as she is sooooo geli of that creature, leaving that mamat tu kena bedah sorang while Ery helped him out with organ labbeling. Ocassionally, Ery will come and update me bout him ...ahhahaha..
I can still remeber Pah was telling Ery that..Eh kau ni dia bersin pon nak dtg report ke? Hehehhe...so detail huh!! Kalau nak tau Pah, Ery tu pnh bercita2 nak jadi investigator.

Lots of fun been shared together esp while we were having semester break before entering the second year of Asasi. We worked together as a casual worker kat one of market research company. Pah and I took turn to drive to work weekly basis and we were staying in Subang at that time. I can still recall
*how Ery was so scared of Pah's hamsters when we went to Pah's house, the only thing she did was kept herself quiet on Pah's bed, she didn't even wanna step down....hahaha and u know Pah, she never change untill now,

*the fun of eagerness nak jadi 1 of 1st 100 customer masa IKEA tgh buat their annivesarry kat One Utama, remeber the frame that we've got? I guess I still have it at my sister's attic.

*Pah has a younger brother name Syed and Ery has one also of the same age as Syed, I have no younger brother but somehow has a nephew of the same batch, we were comparing the results as PMR results were announced!

*During that semester break, I had my mother visited us in Subang, so one of those day balik keje, I had to fetched my mother from her fren's house kat SS14 name Auntie Lylone. U guys both were so polite while the coffee was served, but every each of the were aiming for one thick keropok served in a plate together with coffee. As we helped Auntie Lylone to bring back the cups and plate to the kitchen, Ery and Pah cpt2 rebut that keropok left in the plate...i was so puzzled... hahahah ingt tak korang??

* That time we always fooled James (our colleaugue) around

* We even fooled our boss around by just filled up the questionaires ourselves instead of conduct the real interview for some products

*Sometime we were offered by Pah's Walid to have some breakfast in Pah's place while fetching to work. Her walid told us that his mom's milk tea is the best in town.

*The fun of enjoying the duit gaji yang x seberapa,

*We were addicted to iced milo from McD across the road of our office

*the troucblesome when Pah's car exploded due to lacking of water in tank on our way back home.

and lots more! As for now Ery, Pah and I were just being connected by internet, sometime in YM and sometime in FB. I didn't even have a chance to attend Pah's big day last year. But from this distance I somehow still connected to them. I may have seen Ery more than I have seen Pah. Couldn't really remember when was the last time I saw Pah, but I was still being updated about her, even tho not too detail but at least I know where u guys are heading too. I really appreciatte the moment we spent as fren in UM. That was so sweet for sure!

Haih!!!

Lama gila x blogging, everytime i wish to write will always be a welcome note! I hope not again this time. U guys know wht innitiatted me to write this time? Sebab BENGANG!... bengang sgt over something which for some ppl its just a small matter but not for me. How do I start? Susah la.... I don't feel like talking to anybody... sbb takut tempias kat diorang skali. Haih!! tell u the truth...u wouldn't wanna see me in this kind of mood. I emailed to a good friend just now...just to channel out from the system...and just to hear wht she has to say about it.
She said let it be... stay where you are, and don't bring urself down to that level. Yeah so true!!!
Lucky enough tht today is Thursday, I need mybeauty sleep on friday morning without rushing myself to work. Thanks for listening!! bye

am back again...

Hi....
Its been ages since my last post. Events, occasions, u name it all have been taken place during that gap. Dunno where should I start with. What makes me blogging again this time? Well some friends asked me to... They missed me I guess... ;P.. Am not actually prepared of wht to write but just drop a few lines to make my frens realise that am still alive! Yeah indeed I am....
Let me come back to u whenever time allows me to do so ok?
See ya!